I'll think about it.
Let's look at "feelings" and what they mean in the persuasion process.
The pendulum swings back and forth. At each moment in time it's a slightly
different place than it was just a fraction of a second before. And so it goes
until it stops...where? Right back in the middle..."I don't know." "Maybe."
The unconscious mind runs off of survival instincts, sometimes with success,
sometimes not. The unconscious mind is very different from the conscious mind.
It runs on autopilot. Basically a stimulus/response mechanism that adapts along
the way...but slowly. The conscious mind is that "computer", if you will, that
thinks, calculates, and can make a decision. But those decisions come at a cost.
The unconscious is often drawn in many different directions, not just one or two
and to cut off any option is a threat to the freedom of the being. (Write that
down. This will be referred to, by people as, "I have a bad feeling," "I'm not
sure," "I don't feel comfortable," and so on. )
Eliminating choices to a human (and many other animals) can be quite an
experience. You and I hate to see that freedom say, "goodbye." And for good
reason. While there are options (escape routes) there is comfort in the status
quo. When there is comfort in the status quo (what's going on today) there is
seemingly little reason to change. Many animals hunt other animals with this
fundamental principle as the guiding principle. "Let them feel secure, safe,
then kill." Sun Tzu may have even written about it. People want to "feel good,"
and "feel comfortable" so they can live in the illusion that they are "happy,"
when of course the delusion will be shattered in short course. There is no
relationship between "feeling comfortable" today and long term happiness. I
would suggest the opposite..but...
...is going for the "yes" response like going for the "kill?" That seems...so
wrong!
And it would be if you were going to kill someone.
Unfortunately most people perceive every change from the status quo as a
threat to their survival, at the unconscious level. Someone wants to quit
smoking cigarettes for example. Now at the conscious level that is a no brainer.
Lung cancer will chew you up and spit you out. But at the unconscious level the
smoking is behaviorally wired into the brain as an adaptation. Just like
overeating. You wonder why so many people that live in poverty are grossly
obese? They want to FEEL GOOD and they want the most important choice they have
to not be taken away. Think you can change that using convention thinking? Not
likely. It has nothing to do with "sense" or "logic." Someone's feelings will
challenge all of your persuasive communication and in fact that is just about
ALL communication.
Take away the option of smoking and the being goes nuts inside. Anxiety hits
stellar levels. Take away the option of choosing more food and the being once
again goes nuts inside. They know they shouldn't FEEL this way but they do. In
Hale Dwoskin's book, The Sedona Method he shares Levenson's tools for letting
feelings of fear, anger, shame, resentment and grief ...go. Why? Because
feelings are the muck of life. They kill the being. They are the unreliable
indicators that destroy lives. And when you feel bad AND your life is going to
heck, you have a double dose of disaster. Most people really believe they should
"trust their feelings." If you do, you are destined for more than failure in all
aspects of your life. You will never persuade or be persuaded of something you
currently don't experience. In other words, you will remain S.Q. for the rest of
your life. Feelings aren't a barometer of the quality of life. They aren't a
barometer of good and bad, (long term) happiness or sadness even... They are a
barometer of the unconscious mind's past experiences and genetic programming
which more often than not need to be changed.
And when you are attempting to persuade someone, you can bet that the
person's conscious mind will analyze your offer and come up with a fairly quick
rational decision followed immediately by a flood of anticipated regret if they
decide to do what you ask. So they say yes then they "feel no."
Now the person doesn't trust you. And they...think...it's you! You're
manipulating them. Really?
Ever see someone buy a $25,000 vehicle right after they quit their job? They
needed to fill the option void that would likely exist upon further review.
Everyone knows that once you buy it, it's yours in the car biz. So, they buy
today BECAUSE they won't have the money tomorrow. Makes no sense because sense
doesn't come into play. It's all instinct and behavioral shaping of the
unconscious mind that causes people to FEEL. As soon as they feel STRONGLY, then
everything can quickly go to heck, unless something is done and fast.
People's gut instinct took the Twin Towers down. People's feelings caused the
train to be blown up yesterday in Chechnya. They were sure their feelings were
"right." They trusted their gut, and "knew" they were "doing the right thing."
History only repeats itself every few days or years. In 1999 people were saying
"this time it's different" because they felt the greed and euphoria of getting
rich fast in the stock market. Um, it's not different. Do not trust those
feelings ever. When Saddam gives you the big smile you can trust him, but just
let the mustache remind you of Adolph. You really want a guy on the run who
kills his own people for sport? Feelings. They felt totally in the right.
Remember that the next time someone tells you they don't "feel right" or
"have a bad feeling."
Here's the reality principle:
Life: It really is all about persuasion.
People must go up one level from feelings to thought and take control of
their lives. Part of that is all about being persuaded (changing) and persuading
(causing change).
Almost every time you open your mouth you want someone to do something for
you.
You want them to say "yes" to you, "no" to the competitor and do business
just with you.
You want the girl to go out with you, dump her boy friend and be eternally
devoted to you.
You want the guy to marry you, massage your feet, and bring home the bacon.
You want them to hold the mayo, bring you a fork, and change your $100 bill.
You want them to pick up their clothes, turn the music down and study.
It's all about persuasion.
I could show you a lot of books that have some pretty funny ideas about what
gets people do things. Sometimes they work, sometimes they rarely work,
sometimes they just end up making you look...well...dumb.
My outcome for you is to be able to persuade almost anyone to do almost
anything in less than eight minutes.
Now, here's the rub.
I can show you how to get that sale, almost any sale. Once.
But...after you have that first "yes" your personality and who YOU are
becomes crucial. Getting the first "yes" is the toughest. Getting the second is
easier but it's a different ball game completely. Once someone has knowledge
about you in a certain area or a certain way, you have to utilize a number of
new strategies to get to "yes," again. And, of course, I'll give you tips along
the way about how to do just that. Nevertheless, this book is about getting the
"tough" yes. It's all about converting her from him to you. About getting them
to switch from them to you. About getting compliance NOW. And you will be able
to do it.
Amazed?
I was too.
You have to deal with the feelings. You have to get people's feelings
positively linked to you. Real or illusion, if you have the answer to their
problem, the solution to their challenge, you must create positive feelings in
that person or you will end up with wider swings of oscillation.
You have to assume that people will feel regret or anticipate the feeling of
regret and prepare them for that outcome.
You absolutely must realize that at any moment people are on the pendulum
between the conscious mind response which is probably correct, and their
feelings which are probably all over the map trying to "make sense" of your
proposal or offer.
You must get commitment and reinforce the person's decision as a good one.
When you have commitment, in most cultures you have psychological pressures
from the inside that almost obligate the person to move forward with what they
have agreed to. Hopefully you represent the best product, service, idea...person
in the area you excel in. As you become a Master of Influence you truly gain a
valuable power that can bring on compliance rapidly in almost all situations.
Science of Influence Series Set Volumes 1-12. Twelve CDs plus GIANT Manual
by Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
The ability to influence is the single most important element in
communication in business, in running a professional practice, in maintaining
intimate relationships and obviously, in selling.
Every useful communication involves persuasion. You want people to believe
what you say. You want them to understand what you say. You want your message to
be accepted and acted upon. Period. Without effective persuasion and influence
none of this is possible.
The Science of Influence is the master's home study course. What makes the
Science of Influence different from every other program about persuasion is that
this material is fresh, potent, tested, and has nearly all of what you will
discover is new! There is no rehash of past salespeople or scholars. This is the
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In Volumes 1-12 you are going to learn incredible new tactics for defusing
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Unlock the mystery of the "freedom of choice" and how critical the number of
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You already know that you can frame a message that will virtually guarantee
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Now, I'm going to show you HOW!! Creating persuasive frames in business, your
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Discover how skeptical and non-skeptical people perceive and respond to
persuasive messages in a VERY different fashion. (Hint: If you don't know this
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You're also going to learn:
Start to reap the rewards of becoming a master of influence while you study
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I can show you how to get that girl, almost any girl. Once.
I can show you how to get the kids to listen. Once.
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"If I can persuade I can move the universe." Frederick Douglas
Kevin Hogan
Kevin Hogan is the author of over a dozen books, including his most recent; Covert Hypnosis, along with The Science of Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion, Talk Your Way to the Top, Can't Get Through, Irresistible Attraction., Through the Open Door Tinnitus, Life by Design, and The New Hypnotherapy Handbook .
His most popular audio programs about persuasion include The Science of Influence Library:
Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
, Part V, Part VI; Secrets of Sales Success (4-DVD Program) and Covert Subliminal Influence
. Each year Kevin hosts a conference in Las Vegas. Kevin Hogan's Influence: Boot Camp 2008 is now available on 25 professionally produced DVD's
Kevin Hogan is the nation's leading influence and body language expert. He has shared his expertise about body language, persuasion and influence with the BBC, the New York Post and dozens of popular magazines like Cosmopolitan, First for Women, Women's World, Playboy, Women's Own and others.
Kevin Hogan has become the go-to resource for analyzing key White House figures. Hogan teaches Persuasion and Influence at the University of St. Thomas Management Center and is a frequent media guest. Articles by and about him have recently appeared in Success!, Redbook, Office Pro, Selling Power, Cosmopolitan, and numerous other publications. He was recently featured in a half dozen magazines (including wProst) in Poland after teaching persuasion and influence skills to that country's 350 leading sales managers.
NEW...Covert Subliminal Influence: How to Persuade Using Covert Images,
Stories & Messages with Kevin Hogan, Psy.D. 6-DVD with complete Manual on
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